July 2011
36 posts
beige
Soundbite disconnect
Gloss it up make it pretty
Power windows big smile time
Air conditioned for your tune out
Hide in your big house
Beige with paper walls
Close enough to eavesdrop
Your neighbors know your habits
But don’t know your name
We’re filming our own reality show
Standing still we’re on the go
Waiting for the death blow
Below there’s nothing but...
“As many of you have suspected, I sold my soul to Satan years ago. It was for a...”
America's Dirtiest Hotels! →
Wonderfully disgusting! You have bed stains (including blood), greasy carpet, chewing tobacco oozing down walls—just read it, it’s wonderfully vile!
“I wonder if anyone has ever gone up to Wilform Brimley and shouted “I...”
Ambidextrous Glove
You move in so easy
Like a bathwater baby
Maybe no one knows your name
Being unknown becomes a game
And one you race like a train
Dominating landscapes
And it can go any way, you say
Do what you decide and go for a ride
And it can go any way, you say
Do what you decide and go for a ride
You’re moving sloe like gin
One am vodka still poisons your skin
Cancel the night I’m...
Marianas, recorded in Phoenix 2009. I did the...
“Drawn like a model to a tapeworm
Drawn like a forest to a yearly burn
Open...”
– —Marianas
I just don't get angry music
I have had three or four metal albums in my life—do the Scorpions count? They always seemed a bit silly, maybe it was because they had a sort of Germanic seriousness to them.
Ve are zee Scorpions! Ve rock with hair!
I had the Among the Living by Anthrax and Peace Sells… by Megadeth. Cassettes. Man, I was buying cassettes up to ‘92 but I guess it’s pretty obvious...
Parents, please be aware: They are even stealing... →
There's Money in Murder
Step over that dead child
In those new shoes that they gave you
Page one-thirty-three in some magazine
The special fall fashion issue
You’ve got a lovely face
Busy hands building
Half sized coffins
Pull on that smile that media’s waiting
Psychopathic photographic
There’s a story in there somewhere
Dig enough it will appear
Cap your teeth and fix your hair
...
Song du jour: Just Jivin’ (2010 version)....
You know, you can't really call them "privates" if...
I can very rarely bring myself to buy coffee when I am out. Even when I am working, it is something I do maybe once a year. There have been enough times in life when that $3 mattered that I can’t bring myself to that sort of thing. $3 could buy groceries or buy three-quarters of a gallon of fuel for my car which is enough to make the bank deposit and hit the post office. Today was like...
“There once was a saxophonist named G, and listening to his tunes was like...”
“There once was a film series called Saw, the first two episodes left us in awe,...”
“Hey Im not broke!! what a bunch of #$%$!!! I made over three Million last...”
– —Anonymous Poster responding to a Yahoo news article regarding long term unemployment
“Quote 1: “Get back in the closet and shut up! ENOUGH ALREADY!” ...”
– Comments on a Yahoo news story about gay service members (who are married) being denied benefits for their partners
I Let You Pass Your Expiration Date (my Morrissey...
We know everything will sour with time
Everything will wither and die
Soft things left in the sun will eventually melt
Dreams of leather car seats are bad for my health
But you looked so lovely up on that shelf
The days flew by with my deep admiration
A sheen of dust covered you like the softest felt
But now I have learned to my consternation
I let you pass your expiration date
I was a...
“I’m goiing to be layed off soon. I work in Iraq for the War. I really...”
– —Anonymous comment left on a Yahoo article about unemployment
“GALLANT: Gives the waitress a generous tip
GOOFUS: Gives the waitress herpes”
“GALLANT: Has an another glass of water instead of getting a beer
GOOFUS: Pounds...”
“GALLANT: Fills out job applications completely and makes sure he has a spare pen...”
“GALLANT: Keeps his trousers on in public places
GOOFUS: Goes to the mall and...”
Peppy Cando and the Smile Machine
So, wipe the eyes off the front of your pretty, summer dress
And give some charm to the lies on the cue cards as
Tiny faced men engage in hasty masturbation
The world is standing by with temporary fascination
Another food trend, another break out star
Who will be working in a Wal Mart in less than two years
Don’t you want to kiss the world as you stab it in the heart?
As darkness...
WatchMore Bill Maher!
The return of Joey Blatt, awful comedian
How ya folks doin’ tonight?
Do we have any paddles in here, you know the shock folks back to life kind? Cause, I think we got some stiffs in here—
(VOICE FROM THE CROWD: You suck Joey Blatt!)
Wow…one in every crowd, one in every crowd. Anyhoo, you folks are pretty quiet, but I can work with that. I’m a pro. How about a joke? Let’s get this party started with a...
I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus!
Dear Santa,
I saw you kissing my Mommy on Christmas night. Mommy and Daddy told me you don’t like to be bothered when delivering presents, but I had to see Santa! So, I crept down to living room quiet as a mouse in the hope of seeing you delivering presents.
I was hiding behind the couch and fell asleep. The sound of your boots on the hardwood floor woke me up. My Daddy spent a lot of...
“I prefer the word “malodorous” to “stinky.” Malodorous...”
“Thank God Bob Dylan’s earnest folksinger phase was just that, a phase. The...”
“I had an idea for a story last night. This character’s kink is they get...”
Have I shared my obsessive car blog with you yet? →
This is where I allow myself to go on and on about my borderline (borderline, eh?) car obsession
Check out this half underground house →
They did it so their big house wouldn’t piss off the neighbors, I just think it’s a smart way to design, using surrounding earth as insulation
